Coaches Corner~Resistance

We often talk about the three things that a coach brings to the table. This blog is going to focus on one of those things that a coach brings to the table, and that is an outside objective opinion. The biggest enemy of an outside objective opinion is resistance. We are all victim to the tendency to resist. We have our own ideas, ideas that we make up that we think are true, but we hold on to them as though they were the truth. When someone challenges those ideas, we tend to resist. That's true, whether we know about that phenomenon or not. I happen to know about it, and maybe you know about it, but still I often fall prey to that inescapable resistance that I hear, that I feel, when someone tells me something that I hadn't thought of myself. The things that they tell me, it's sound reasoning and it makes perfect sense, but because I didn't create it myself, I'm going to resist it.

One of my beliefs is that anything that comes into my life through a series of thought processes and actions, I brought that thing into my life. If I am angry about something or if I am unhappy about that thing, there's nothing wrong with the thing that was brought. It's just something wrong with the way that I'm thinking about that. I know that consciously, but still, every now and then I fall prey to getting the resistance, to resisting something that makes total sense.

Just recently, a good friend and I were having a conversation. We were talking about business, talking about marketing. I took the position of advising him on something that he needed to do, something that I saw that I identified would be better done a different way. He gave a listen to me. He honored me and heard what I said, and listened, seemingly attentive, to everything that I said. When I got finished with what I said, he began to defend what he what doing, not being willing to try what I was suggesting.

Now I didn't take this personally, or I didn't even have any misgivings about it. I just understood in myself that he was simply resisting. When you are in the coaching industry, you find people resisting a lot of the time, but the people that resist the least are the people that's coachable. I can say that my friend is not to coachable. Of course he shouldn't be coachable because he's not paying me to coach him. We're friends, so I shouldn't be surprised by his resistance to my ideas.

What I was surprised about, and I'm only surprised by this in retrospect because I think that I'm sophisticated and I think that I'm transformed and I think I'm beyond the pitfalls that other people fall into. That's what happens when you're an extraordinary coach. You get complacent with your position and you think that you're infallible. I admit to that and I know that that's something that I can work on and something that I can change.

But he then said something to me that would mean that I would have to change the way that I was doing things. While what he said had merit, you know I had an excuse why I didn't want to do it. I had a reason why what he said didn't hold water. Now did what he said hold water? Well who really knows, because what we want and our stories we tell ourselves are so intertwined and so hard to figure out, I don't know whether what he said would make sense or not. I do know that I brought it into my life. If I brought that into my life, there's only two tacks that I can take.

One is: Okay Victor, think about this in a way that it can empower you. Think about it in a way that it could benefit you. Or: Hey, that's a great idea. Let's do it. What about you? You're an extraordinary coach. How do you interact with your coach? When your coach gives you a suggestion and gives you his outside objective opinion that you are paying for, do you take the opinion? Do you believe what he says? Or are you like the rest of us and resistance crops up for you?

Let's see if we can meet this resistance head on, and let's see if we can eliminate this resistance from our life. The fact that you are now learning about the existence of this resistance should help you move closer to being an extraordinary coach. Because when you feel yourself resisting, you've got to ask yourself why am I resisting this. I want to thank my friend, who shall remain nameless. I want to thank him for giving me the opportunity to resist what he was saying. But in this case, what he said to me was brought to me to make sure that I'm committed to the process that I'm doing. Thankfully, I am committed to the process I'm doing. I understand what his suggestion is and I ran it up the flag pole, and will run it down the flag pole, but it doesn't apply to me. I suspect that he is doing the same thing himself.

It's rare that someone brings something to you to help you and it's not beneficial, very, very rare. But it's not so rare that we decide I don't need to listen to that. I've got a better idea. Well my friend, maybe you don't have a better idea. The focus of this blog is for you to deal with the resistance when it shows up and recognize that it is not the thing that's being resisted that's critical. It is the fact that resistance is showing up. If resistance is showing up, you are not being authentic.

Be authentic. Listen to the input that you get. Listen to the outside objective opinion and move closer and closer to being an extraordinary coach. As always, if this blog has helped you, please pass it on to somebody you care about. Pass it on to a friend or a family member. Until the next time, have a good time.