Coaches' Corner~Process

While optimism has its perks, we do not always get the result we want.  Not getting what we want is daunting and requires us to find a way to keep living until it surfaces.  My pastor once wrote a book entitled, “What To Do Between ‘I Believe and I receive’ and its content ought to be noted.  We are able to withstand nearly anything for one second, right, so we need only approach misery or disappointment one second at a time.  After one gets a certain age, it is clear that all things work out in some way and even if it doesn’t, we all die sooner or later.  That may seem morbid but it really is good news.  When you consider all the pain agonizing and suffering we do needlessly, knowing it all eventually ends no matter what we do is comforting.  As a boy when I was punished by getting a ‘beatin’ it seemed the pain would never go away but it did go away eventually.  Dealing with panic attacks for more than 8 years and now living without them convinces me that all things end in time and makes it very clear that the time spent agonizing is only useful because it got me from there to here.  And being here is a lot of fun.

Enjoying the journey is more than just a cute saying.  And as an extraordinary coach, you had better enjoy the journey so that you client will enjoy it too.  If all things work together for good, then we must get very good at reframing everything.  In coaching the operative question is always, “What’s next?” And it can work in all areas of life.  I spend some time in social media and have developed some relationships with people that do not always think the way I do.  I have developed my thinking over the years and understand this process and have a much better handle on life than I used to.  I see comments from people I admire and wonder what they could be thinking.  I even have the nerve to become annoyed at times and wish they would be more like me.  The journey they are presently on looks a lot like my own journey did some years ago and it is almost predictable that they will come around.  By come around, I mean they will come to the same conclusion I did.  That conclusion borders on the fact that we can think about whatever we want to think about and we alone bear that responsibility.  Just because I am there does not mean others do not have the right to make their own journey.  I am getting much better at the old adage, “Live and let live.”  All I really must do is to wait and greet them with gladness when they finally get there.

I suppose there is a certain amount of arrogance associated with such an attitude.  When I consider that the person who is offended is the one responsible for the assessment of arrogance, I feel much better about things.  So what if I am perceived as arrogant?  It is a very valuable asset in this case for it saves a lot of heartbreak anxiety about what is going to happen.  Once you realize that all you feel results from what you think, you choose to think different thoughts.  The sky is not falling….it is not going to be horrible…..and you will find another job and a sweetheart nicer than the one you just lost.  More than anything the idea of prayer makes us okay with whatever we are dealt.  Even in the case of our children, we must be willing to weather the storm until they get to the other side.  Berating, and chastising and brow-beating might make you feel like you are doing something but there is more than talk to the saying “Love covers a multitude of sins.”  When the offense comes we must be ready.  When we are called to watch someone get bruised, we must we willing to watch them heal.  It is this mindset that is most helpful to the coach who is not getting the results she or he wants right now.  Get in the habit of staying until the end of the game because you never know what story to tell if you were not there for the win.

Coaches' Corner~Amiables

Today we will talk about the people identified as amiables.  They are the folks for whom a relationship is the most important thing.  They want to have an income just like the rest of us but not at the expense of ruining a relationship.  They are the ultimate people-pleasers and as nice as they are, people-pleasing might not be a reason for criticizing.  We all want to be liked but the amiables take it to another level.  We are mixed with all four of the personality types but we all have more of some traits than others and those dominant traits are what give us our identity.  When a coach who is amiable and a client who is amiable come together, the answer to “What’s working?” might be a resounding ‘nothing.’  And what is not working is usually an amiable.  Their tendency to make decisions is lacking so more rather than less pressure is needed to add what’s missing in their business.  Amiables are the epitome of nice people and actually sacrifices success for that moniker.

There is a phenomenon called the yo-yo that is seen in network marketing which gives you an idea as to what an amiable has to deal with.  When I sold water filters, we would see people who absolutely loved our presentation, loved our product and loved the presenter.  You could see the starts in their eyes.  Their energy was flowing and they all but threw their wallet at you to get signed up in your business.  I cannot count the number of times I had this experience.  When I pegged the person as amiable, I would not be surprised at what happened over the next few days.  It didn’t only happen to amiables but amiables were the most predictable.  Before going home, the prospect would all but swear they would be back tomorrow and sign up at the highest possible level.  So you would call them up the next morning as follow up which you would do with anyone.  Suddenly they would seem cool and tell you things like, “I don’t know about this thing” or “While I was sleeping last night I had a dream.”  You could hear the anguish in their voices and you felt bad for them because you know what has happened.  Someone they care about who was not even at the presentation told them it was a dumb idea.  To add insult to injury, the amiable might have even thought it was a stupid idea but they did not want to hurt your feelings.  Now they are stuck because they do not want to hurt the person who told them it was stupid and they don’t want to hurt you.  Amiables sometimes don’t know what they want themselves.  So as a coach, an amiable is a tall order.

We define a coach as a person who makes you do what you do not want to do so you can become who you want to be.  For amiables, these two extremes are not even known to the person so how can you help them?  Unless you are a “recovering amiable” yourself, you might think you are just dealing with a procrastinator.  But nothing could be farther from the truth.  If you are a business coach with not training in life coaching or mentoring, then this might not be the client for you.  You are only valuable to those knowing what they want and what business they are committed to making work.  In this particular case, a live coach might be in order.  You cannot put too much pressure on an amiable or they will break and/or withdraw and that helps no one.  You cannot avoid pressure altogether because for sure nothing will happen.  This client may take quite a while to get on track and you must be prepared for that.  Properly marketing yourself will keep this client from calling you anyway but if you find yourself with an amiable your work is cut out for you.  Of all the personality types, this is the most difficult for me to coach.  If you are a coach and you are amiable, tread gently if you ever find yourself as my client.  Keep in mind though, that whether you are expressive, driver, analytical or amiable, it is my goal always to provide you the service of an extraordinary coach.

Coaches' Corner~Analyticals

Analyticals are the most bothersome for me of all the personality types or social styles.  When coaching business owners, one of the things you assess is progress.  You do this by evaluating goals and backing up activities to see what it takes to achieve them, right?  The analyticals are in love with the process.  While the driver is purely concerned with results, the analytical is concerned with the process of getting the results.  They do like evaluating but not for the sake of getting the results they need but evaluating for the sake of evaluating.  They are usually in love with the steps involved and this is true even in relationships which we know is not logical.  The analytical believes he or she is being logical but this is not true.  They are governed by their feelings just like the rest of us but they are much better at justifying their actions.  The right/wrong/, good/bad paradigm is most difficult for this group.  The favorite word of the analytical person is ‘accuracy’ and the truth is it is more like their lifeblood.  As a coach, creating a new result for an analytical is most difficult mostly because perfection is his or her goal and they can really get bogged down in the steps involved in improving.

I recently lost 72 lbs by using a process known as Dr. Simeon’s Protocol and I underwent it with my wife.  This process required us to eat as little as 500 calories per day even though the food list had variety.  My wife got in to this thing with me and it was a resounding success.  The protocol had three phases and during the second phase we were to gradually increase our caloric intake to the normal 1800-2200 calories per day in 150 calorie increments.  In phase one, we had bought one of the fancy scales that allowed you to find out the exact fats, carbohydrates, and proteins depending on the food you ate.  You see, there was a four digit code for most foods and you weighed it on this fancy scale and you found out all you wanted to know.  I had been pretty neurotic during phase one eating exactly 500 calories and drinking just the right amount of water and abstaining from putting anything in my mouth with 15 minutes of taking the drops.  My wife was a gem as she painstakingly measured all the food and I dutifully ate just the right amount.  But then came phase 2.

We lost unheard-of amounts of weight during phase 1 and we were stoked.  All the measuring of food paid off and being reminded that it was time to eat ceased to be bothersome.  It was not bothersome because I was hungry and in fact I wasn’t hungry at all.  What was bothersome was being told what to do.  I must say that I hated it.  But I got the results and in phase 2, I did not have to worry about all that food restriction.  Toward completion of phase 2, when we were at more than 1500 calories per day, my wife asked me how many calories had I taken in this particular day.  I had no idea so I said so, “I don’t know, just ate some food.”  She had no patience for that response and reminded me that it was the day for 1500 calories.  You see, I, who am an expressive, reasoned that since I was not on the 500 calorie restriction, there was no need to count my calories, so it did not matter.  My wife begged to differ with me because she reasoned that you count the calories because you are SUPPOSED to count them.  This was a far cry from what I thought because I was not in love with the process, I simply did it when it was discovered.

When coaching an analytical person, be more personable than usual.  Keep in mind a chameleon is a good thing to be and so is being stern.  You will be required to keep things moving because an analytical will have you jumping out of the window by telling you how bac things are.  They are not even trying to be negative or nothing like that.  That is just the way they see it.  Do not waste time being angry with them but take their word about the necessity of intervention because they are natural evaluators.  And if you are an analytical who is a coach. Take another look at the blogs about the other personality types because you will need it.  Your standards are yours and yours only and be careful not to get afflicted with analysis paralysis because it is a huge deterrent to you evolving into an extraordinary business coach.

Coaches' Corner~Drivers

When we say ‘driver,’ we are not talking about a limousine.  As stated in our last post, we are sharing on the importance of knowing your social style or personality type.  We recommend the DISC method used by Tony Robbins or any of a number of other technologies.  This blog is speaking about the type known as drivers.  Drivers are the ones that get things done and can be compared to a lion.  As you know, business is fraught with many obstacles and to overcome them can be quite daunting.  When I first became a part of a network marketing company, I had no idea the degree of work that would be necessary and how hard it would be to see it as fun.  Because we are all living from our own vantage point, I might see a driver different from the way they see themselves and I will caution you as you decide their relevance in your life.  If you, yourself, are a driver, you won’t even care what myself or person like me have to say about you and in some ways, success is easier for you because you are not concerned about how others feel anyway.  For you, it is just as simple as, “Get over it!”  Lest you miss this point, for the rest of us, we say, “Get over yourself!”  Really, you ae not that great.

I had an upline who was a driver and he seemed not to care about me.  He did not mind that I saw it that way because if I wasn’t producing, he wanted no part of me anyway.  Drivers often use the phrase, “Bottom line” and that generally means without the frills.  But for most drivers, frills can be confused with courtesy.  The ultimate driver is the character Mr. Wolf in the movie, PULP FICTION.  If you remember, the Vincent character was lamenting the fact that Mr. Wolf was barking orders at him and said so.  For the purpose of this blog, let’s say that Vincent was a driver too but he wanted to be in charge.  When he told Mr. Wolf how he felt, Mr. Wolf stopped in his tracks and said, “Come again?”  Vincent then articulated that he respected Mr. Wolf but he took offense to being barked at rather than being asked by using, “please.”  Mr. Wolf, the driver personality, said that if he was curt, it was due to the fact that time was of essence and their job was to get finished and out of the home by the time the owner’s wife came home from work.  In fact he said that if Vincent did not want his help, he would gladly go on about his business.  But if self-preservation was an instinct that Vincent possessed then he had better “Pretty please with sugar on top, clean the ‘fu@#%8g’ car!

In lots of cases, drivers are good at finding excuses to be rude and the other personality types recognize this right away.  

Even though drivers, bowl people over with the strength of their personalities, they can be quite insightful when necessary.  In fact, as a coach, you need a degree of ‘driver in your personality.  When you have a client that is a driver and is not getting the results he or she wants, you cannot simply tell them how rude they are and expect them to move right into the place where there is no “right/wrong or good/bad” because they will be the undesirable parts every time.  Unlike the other personality types, drivers only respect drivers and if you want to be an extraordinary coach, you must find a way to get through them.  This is your most golden opportunity to ask the question, “What’s working?” because even a person who is being rude must address that question.  Do not confuse your own defensiveness with a faux by the driver because ultimately the driver wants to succeed as well.  And he or she is not angry at you no more than a snake who bites you.  Plainly and simply, that is just what drivers do.  Taking it personally will surely get in the way of your becoming an extraordinary coach.

Coaches' Corner~Expressives

I am an expressive personality and that means I like to have fun and often I will sacrifice anything for the sake of fun.  If I cannot think of something as fun, chances are that I won’t do it.  There are probably one-fourth of the people reading this blog who are also expressive.  As is often the case, you are probably in a relationship with someone who is not expressive and they spend lots of time urging you to grow up and be responsible.  Let me put your mind at ease and scare the Bejesus out of the person you are close to.  It will never happen.  You might make moves in that direction, you might desire to be more responsible, but you time can best be spent enjoying yourself which I am sure you are good at.  If you are a coach, believe me, there are enough clients out there just like you who will keep you busy.  For many years, I felt bad when I was criticized but since my 50^th year of life, that has even dissipated.  For the next several blogs, I will spotlight the other three personality types or social styles so that those of you who are not expressive will be able to see how we see you.  You are not the pillar of strength you believe yourself to be.  You are logical as you might think you are and you certainly don’t know everything.

Many people see shiny things and follow them into oblivion sometimes and pursue them to their own detriment.  Expressives like myself, make a career of this.  People who are not expressives miss the point by telling us that we lost money, or we are wasting time and other number of reasons why we should or should not do something.  We don’t care and if it is fun or if we think it is going to be fun, we will do it.  I remember my first experience with network marketing.  At the time I was a registered nurse in a major hospital emergency room.  I was having a great time and working with a lot of women.  I always enjoyed working with women and as far as I was concerned, nothing could be better.  But I was wrong!  Standing in front of a room with a lot of people including women all dressed up and delivering a speech, was heaven.  And that is what got me involved in network marketing.  Sure, the income potential was great but I was already making money as a nurse and I would have promoted those water filters and natural products for free.  That was the shiniest thing I had seen since Amway ten years earlier and I would not let it slip through my fingers.  I saw myself making five figures per month and going to parties and dancing and selling and, whew, having the time of my life.  I had finally arrived.

Needless to say, none of that happened….but I had a grand time and would do it again even if the same thing happened.  There was nothing like that experience and the person I am today is a much better person even though I no longer work as a nurse.  Being expressive does not mean I do not think it only means that thinking is not my first choice.  As a coach, there are clients of yours who are expressive just like I am and they say they want to have a successful business.  They have no idea what any of that is.  If you want long term clients for premium fees, you must make the effort to find out if you have an expressive on your hand.  They will not call you until they have to and they won’t even do that if they find you a person interested only in numbers.  They are likely to receive your assessment as criticism and shy away from you.  They might even lie to you.  I give you this because even though I am expressive, I am a coach.  If you are a coach and need a coach who is expressive, obviously I am your man.  That is not to say that I do not coach people in the other three personality types but it is to say, that most likely you will have some fun working with me.

This blog is not an ad for hiring me as a coach.  It is designed to urge you to include personality assessment as part of your pre-coaching research.  With the amount of data about you including videos and testimonials available online, it is easy for clients to choose you based on who they see.  It is not easy for you to see the personality type prior to spending time with a client.  There are tell-tale signs though and one of them is the color red.  lol  Anyone who is wearing that color is probably an expressive but some folks are chameleons.  If you an expressive, enjoy yourself and I don’t have to tell you that and if not, stay tuned for the other personality types in succeeding blogs.  For the present, if you don’t know, get one of the well-known tools and find out which you are.  This is one of the most effective tools there is to help you along your journey to being an extraordinary business coach.

Coaches' Corner~Leadership

Being a coach has its own brand of leadership.  While in some industries, the leader is in a superior position much like student and teacher, mentor and mentee, our genre is a little different.  When evaluating yourself as a leader, you probably see yourself as very good and that is more likely due to a healthy self-concept than what is actually the truth.  A large dose of confidence is usually present in those who call themselves a coach.  And when you think of those who coach coaches, they have even more than that.  I often think of a team of coaches like the Justice League of America.  Superman was indeed the leader but he had no qualms about the fact that Flash was faster than he or that Green Arrow had a great eye and could split an apple sitting on top of a persons at how many ever paces he wanted.  Aquaman could breathe under water and Batman had a fast car.  All these had their own area of superiority.  Even though I think of coaches that way, the strength of a coach does not lie in his superiority but in his humility.  Creating results for your client is of prime concern.  Your client is best looked at as your equal.

When I was in high school, my favorite teacher, N. C. Williams used to quote what she said was an Arabian proverb.  It went like this, “He who knows not and know not that he knows not, is a fool, shun him.”  And each time she said that, whoever was listening simply shut up.  There were other parts of that proverb that made more sense but since I started coaching and understanding its methodology, I got introduced to the concept, “You don’t know what you don’t know.”  So you see, the proverb from my teacher really is only part of the story.  But she was an example of what I am writing about today.  She was not simply teaching students, she was building leaders.  Perhaps I am the only one who sees her proverb the way I see it but I doubt it.  I would not be surprised to find that many in that class turned out to be leaders in their own right.  N. C. was a leader even though she was a high school teacher.  The truth test of a leader is how many leaders they produce.  You can certainly be a good leader and accomplish a lot but the sophisticated leader builds his replacement with the understanding that no one lives forever.  In the business world, no matter how great a leader you are and how much you do for your company, you must not forget the importance of your legacy.  You legacy will be irrelevant unless you build leaders rather than followers.

What about you?  Are you building leaders in the community?  Do your clients simply listen and follow or are they left to develop ideas for themselves and run them by you as opposed to you just telling them how it is?  You might think that creating leaders out of your clients may be putting yourself out of a job but just the opposite is true.  By building leaders you increase your value and increasing value in others always increase value in us.  I often reiterate that there is no right/wrong, good/bad paradigm in coaching and I will state it here again because getting this one concept down, qualifies you as a leader.  It is relevant here because I contrast two different coaches who were great and won championships but one of them built leaders as well.  Depending on the type of leader you want to be, you will align yourself with one of them.

Vince Lombardi, of the Green Bay Packers in 1967 is considered by some to be the greatest coach that ever coached the game and he is quoted a lot.  His strength was in building men.  All men are not destined to be leaders but Lombardi built them so should they become leaders, they would excel.  Did you know that every coach since he was a coach, has as their mentor the well- known Bill Walsh as the so-called father of modern football?  Bill Walsh undeniably was a leader who built leaders from the start.  It never occurred to him that he was losing something by doing it either.  Even if you lose something by training leaders and having them replace you, consider that leaders are familiar with the Law of Sacrifice and be okay with the loss.  What you gain will far outway what you lose.  Generativity is the goal of every leader.  What you leave behind is the true measure of greatness.  How does you organization thrive after you are no longer the coach or the CEO?  Make building your legacy a part of your coaching practice by creating leaders where you might not see one now.  I assure you when you see the growth I them from a distance, you will smile broadly and powerfully as you think to yourself, “I did that.”  Then you can proudly wear the moniker of being an “Extraordinary Coach.”

Coaches’ Corner~Buy-In

Leadership is a critical part of the make-up of a coach.  This is so critical, in fact, that we can make it the limiting reagent.  That means that you can only be an extraordinary coach to the degree at which you become a leader.  We all know presidents who have been great leaders and none of them greater than Bill Clinton.  No matter how you feel about him personally, his leadership ability was unmistakable.  If a person considers themselves a leader and there is no one following him, he is not really a leader, he is only taking a walk.  There was always someone following Bill Clinton no matter if he was being chased or not.  Having followers is the hallmark of a great leader and that leader makes an extraordinary coach primarily because of their credibility.  It is best if you resonate with a leader you choose because you are going to follow him or her no matter where they go.

The research shows us that people will follow you if you and your vision line up and of course that is a given.  When people buy into you, they will easily buy into your vision and you strategy for their business.  You, of course, are assessing their goals and desires and make your recommendation based on that.  But suppose they don’t like your vision but they like you and have bought into you?  The answer is that they will follow you anyway and make an excuse for themselves.  Let’s go back to Bill in the case of his legal troubles.  When he was accused of being disrespectful to women per se, he did not get much push back for it.  Even though an organization like the National Organization of Women fiercely criticized others for much less, he nearly got a pass that the unsophisticated just did not understand.  But the trainer of leaders got it immediately.  Bill had buy-in.  They liked him.  Call it the “IT” factor if you wish but there is no rhyme or reason except to say that they had bought-in to him.  He could do no wrong.

Contrast him with lack of buy-in for Bob Dole.  The people liked his vision.  They even liked what he stood for and surely he was conservative enough for them.  But the people did not buy-in to him.  I know because I was one of them.  The word around the campfire is that if people buy into the vision, goal or other aspect of a leader but not the leader, they will not change their vision or goal, they will change the leader.  And that is exactly what happened.  Had Bob Dole ran for president again, he would have lost.  In fact, he most likely could not win dogcatcher because he was a difficult man to buy into.

That is the beauty of social media.  It allows us to show who we really are.  If we post media that is close to our hearts, people will buy into us.  We don’t have to ask for business with every post and offer deals before we have even gotten to know someone, we just be us.  Let our clients know who we are and what we’re about.  For instance, some say not to post political things and stay away from religion and politics.  While I am not overly political or religious, I may post something in those arenas because that is who I am.  If you are political, then post things about politics.  If you are religious, post things about that too.  No matter who you are or what you like, you are not the only one that is like that.  Consider the people in Branch Davidian and their leader David Koresh.  There was not that many of them but they bought into the leader.  I am sure they did not wake  that morning and thought, “I think I will die today in an explosion in the hopes of going to heaven.”  They had bought into David Koresh and they would have gone wherever he took them.  Had he decided not to blow the place up and went on living, they would have followed that too.

I am not at all saying that as a coach you need to be a cult leader.  I am saying that it is your job to get buy-in before you take on a client.  That buy-in occurs before you even meet the client if done properly.  If you have a newsletter with valuable content, they can brand you as an expert.  If you have posted your family camping trips, they know you are an outdoorsman.  When you share the same opinions as they, a lot of times, that gets buy in.  To truly achieve your goal of being an extraordinary coach. You must get buy-for sure but that does not mean being something that you are not.  When you have buy-in, you have a much easier time keeping clients over time and when it is time to raise your fees, they will go right along with you.

Coaches Corner~Generational

Much of what we do comes from forces of which we have no control but that does not mean we cannot use sheer will to overcome some of those obstacles.  If your parents were alcoholics, then decide that alcohol is something you can live without.  Its benefits, if there are any, are not worth the chance.  You do not have to work in computers because your ancestors did and certain patterns of thoughts do not have to take you over just because it runs in your bloodline.  In fact, knowing what your family’s tendencies are gives you job 1 in many cases.  I happen to know that my family had not the sort of chutzpah that led us to make sales when funds were needed.  We tended to borrow and get deeper in debt rather than embrace the idea of giving more.  That history has helped shape the man that I am today.

All of my influences have not been as obvious and neither have yours as today’s story demonstrates.  Being a coach means getting in touch with all of you and sharing that in your marketing so that you can easily resonate with your target market.  Remember that the coaches’ creed is, “There is not good or bad, right or wrong, there is only, ‘What’s working?’ ‘What’s not working?’ and other more important paradigms to consider.  I recently sent some money to my sister via paypal and she was not able to get the money.  After some 4 weeks, she had done all she knew how to do so she called me.  I am not sure what the problem was but she did all that she was asked to do and was not able to get the money.  So today she called at her wit’s end with a request for me to simply get the money back from paypal and send it a different way.  I suggested she call paypal and speak to a supervisor and plead her case.

While she was doing that, I was at my computer some 3,000 miles away transferring a musical file which I had done numerous times in the past.  I had given it more than 5 tries and was content to say, “Forget it!”  Right about that time, I received a text from my sister saying she was “Done” with paypal after waiting on hold for more than one hour and I should get my money back.  For some reason, at that moment, I realized that she had quit and was mentally challenging her about being so quick to give up.  I admit I was not present to how much she had actually tried but it still landed for me as quitting.  Seconds after that I thought about my dilemma with the file and thought, “I cannot quit!”  “That is what my family is known for, we just quit when it becomes difficult.”  I resolved to get it done and in no time at all, I had accomplished the task.  My coach friend, Jim Padilla of Gain the Edge, and I were walking and discussing this and he introduced me to a coaches’ tool.  He rather helped me remember something and put a beneficial take on that whole experience which I am prone to do anyway.

If you are a coach listening to this story or unearthing it in a session, how can you best help your client?  You ask the question, “What else in your life are you missing because of your tendency to quit?”  And then wait for the answer.  Most likely you will hear a couple of excuses why this particular incident is different from parts of their life where they do excel and do not quit.  Do not fall for this ruse because if they quit in this part of their life, they quit in every part when the going gets tough.  I am sure Jim was not the first to say it but, “The way you do anything is the way you do everything.”  Once you get them present to that truth, the excuses stop.  You can then get them about the business of finding out “What’s missing?” and “What’s next?” in their business.  Always be on the lookout for teaching moments and remember that you are not immune to generational behaviors or ways of thinking and when you detect them, use them for your growth and your coaching skill. 

Your clients do not have your experience and using your experience to assist your clients is a major distinction of being an extraordinary business coach.  All experiences have value especially the ones we are left to only manage rather than eliminate completely.

Coaches' Corner~Termination

Today’s blog is an unusual one in that it can only be inspiring if one looks into the future.  Have you had a relationship, any sort of relationship where the time had come to sever it?  I am sure that we all have.  Many of our relationships are based on business and if not on business certainly something selfish kept the relationship alive.  Despite all our attempts to fight it, we are all selfish to some degree.  This selfishness can get in the way of our effectiveness as a coach especially if the other party is not particularly good at taking care of themselves.  People who allow themselves to be victimized do no one any good other than themselves if they sincerely have no regard for their own well-being.  What about you?  Can you say that your relationships are all serving you?  Can you say the ROI (return on investment) is worth it financially?  Are you so addicted to pain that you will endure it because to do otherwise would still be painful only moreso?  It is easy to become satisfied with any sort of pain when we have had it so long it seems like part of us.  I am severing a business relationship today and I choose to share it with you.  It had been a long time coming and I am glad that I finally got a good enough reason to bail and you will be too if you are part of my warm market.  I am much more able to support you and provide what you need since the previous company I was associated has been 86ed for lack of a less flowery term.

I recently asked a friend what Kathy Fairbanks of Klemmer and Associates asked me once.  “Do dogs eat bones?”  “Don’t they just love bones?”  And we all have seen the worn out photograph of a dog gnawing on a bone, right?   In case you haven’t, notice the one on the left.  A dog can spend most of its life gnawing on bones and we feel that is perfectly normal.  Would you be surprised to know that dogs do not prefer bones?  Well, they don’t.  Dogs prefer steak just like you and I do but they are accustomed to receiving bones and they have gotten used to it.  Well-meaning will go to great pains to make sure that the dog gets the bone and eat all the meat off the bone and
the poor dog wishes they would just leave a little meat on it.

The story is relevant because being a technology enthusiast who has a low aptitude for analytical thinking, I would be satisfied with the simplest of concepts.  I would be satisfied with a system that delivered video email….some of the time.  I would be glad to give my business to a company that only gave email support and no phone support and be content to have a support ticket submitted when a phone call lasting less than 30 seconds would do.  Ask yourself if you are settling for less than what is available to you?  Ask that about your business and ask that about your coach.  When some of the clients of mine would lament that my system could not do certain functions, I would admonish my clients to be glad that the system did what it did and not to complain.  We all know that technology improves as it is forced to come up with new and improved ways to do things.  While I am doing all I can to remain positive, my clients are going elsewhere to get what they need.  That is no longer the case.  My patience has paid off and I am now starting a new relationship that answers all the complaints I have received over the years.  After reading this blog make the decision to no longer be satisfied with bones if there is some steak available.

I address you now to temper you desire to remain positive with growing in your skill level.  It is fine to appreciate what you have but complacency is mis-placed in the coaching world.  Eliminating the good/bad, right/wrong concept requires a delicate balance and you must strike it if you want to last in the coaching business because no improvement, no better technology or even new information will damn you to mediocrity.  I am happy for the change and I look forward to the next one and you should too.  Like Gail Sheehy in her book, “How to Survive the Loss of A Love,” I may find myself missing that old way.  I might even experience some separation anxiety but I know the relationship must be severed and the pain of the separation will not override the joy of newness.  As you and I move closer to actually being an extraordinary coach, these times will occur more and more.  In the not too distant future, we might not even not notice the pain part because we are so focused on the improvement part.