The reason I even talk about this this morning is that I want to get a little bit personal, more personal than before. As you know, I am a married person, and your marriage relationship is probably the biggest relationship in your life, and even though your marriage relationship is the biggest relationship in your life, your relationship to yourself is big as well. We all have a voice that speaks to us that says things and it filters what God is saying to us and it tells us what it thinks that we ought to be thinking. If you're wondering what voice I'm talking about, I'm talking about the voice that says, "What's he talking about?" See, that's not you, because from a spiritual standpoint you connect with me and you connect with every other spirit in the world.
This morning, I want to talk about how we, as people, put so much more on what we hear than what we put on what we say. When people say things to us we create a whole story surrounding what they say and have it mean so much more than what it means. I do that, too, and I am afflicted with the looking good and being right syndrome just like everybody else, but what I do is I reframe everything so that it benefits me so that it makes me feel like the champion that I know I am. Reframing everything causes me to feel empowered in every situation. You may think it's arrogant to desire power in every situation, and that's fine, but that's not what I think. I think to be powerful in every situation is what the human being desires.
In order to love, you must come from a place of power, and I choose to love in every circumstance. I had just been recently tapped to be the MC at an event where Dr. Bernice King, who is the daughter of the late Martin Luther King Junior, was to speak. I was excited about this thing and told everyone I knew I about it. I thought that everyone that I knew included my wife, but as it turns out, I did not include my wife in the list of people who I told about this particular event. It was an oversight on my part, but it doesn't speak to what I feel about my wife. It just speaks to me having an oversight in some cases.
Today, Labor Day, which is about three weeks from when this event takes place, I happen to mention it to a friend on the telephone and my wife overhears me, and that was the first time that she heard of it. Immediately she called me to the carpet for not telling her. After all, she is only my wife, and as being only my wife, I believe that she should feel obligated that I tell her what's going on in my life. However, the rest of what she told me was not called for and was probably just her thinking. She reminded me that I never honor her. She reminded me that I don't think that she's important. Of course I think my wife is important. I've been married to her for 23 years.
This story is not about me and my wife. This story is about you and your spouse, or you and the special person in your life. If the special person in your life does something that you have decided means something, then you have to examine your motives for believing so. If you feel that you are a champion and that you can accomplish anything in this world, then it doesn't matter to you what is said to you because the only thing that will resonate with you is the thing that you believe. If, on the other hand, you have an underlying fear of not being good enough, or if on the other hand you think that someone doesn't care about you because you don't look good enough, you're not tall enough, you're not short enough, you're not black enough, you're not white enough, or any number of "enoughs" that we can think of, then it is time for you to examine how you feel about you.
Whenever you find yourself feeling defensive or find yourself feeling out of that love place where I like to spend my time, you may want to examine why you feel that way, and you can use as an excuse something that someone said, or you can use as an excuse something that you read, but at the end of the day, anything you read or hear has absolutely zero effect on you, unless at some level you have been telling yourself those very same things. When you feel put upon by your spouse or anyone that's close to you, they are not the problem, because they are simply being themselves, and no one is obligated to do what you want to do so that you can feel good about yourself.
It is critical as an extraordinary coach that you are present to the fact that many of us suffer from this malady and many of us fall prey to thinking the wrong things about ourselves, and then holding the other person accountable when they say something that resonates with what we think about ourselves. Practice telling yourself that you love yourself. Spend time being with you and talking about how wonderful you are. Sit down, make a list of your positive traits and treat your clients the same way. Tell your clients that 99% of what happens to them is how they react to what transpires, and they are in control of how they react simply by choosing to do things before the stimulus is applied.
Feel good about yourself. Love yourself. Never think that you are less than your best, and coach your clients to do the same. Most of the relationships in our lives, if they are suffering, they are suffering because of a breakdown in the relationships that we have with ourselves. My relationship with myself is intact. You better believe it, and if you've read this blog, you've heard the story of me telling myself "I love myself " on end. You might want to tell yourself that you love yourself, because when you don't have a relationship with yourself that beats the band, well then, you're going to find yourself in victim status more often than not. You're going to find yourself depending on what someone else does or says to make you feel good about you.
Quit depending on what someone else does and depend on what you do. There's a reason that our Creator allowed us to be able to ignore things, and there's a reason that we are able to lie to ourselves, and I submit that those two characteristics are made solely for our good, just like everything else that he gave us, and if we're not using it for our good, then that's on us, not on the person that's impacting us.
Now if this blog has helped you or given you a new thought, wow, I'm excited to hear that, and I'm looking to increase the rolls of people who are not reactive to what they hear. I'm looking to swell those rolls up so that everyone knows that they are walking in love, and slowly but surely, even the people that you think are offending you, they will begin to walk in love and stop allowing you to run their flag up and down the pole. I end this blog like I end all of my blogs, and I encourage you to have yourself a good time until the next time.
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