As an extraordinary coach, you probably have clients that are trying to grow personally. You, yourself may be trying to be better than you were and when you do that, sometimes you get stumped. Every now and then I have to wonder whether or not I'm imagining that someone is insulting me or whether or not I'm truly being insulted. People that know you, people that are your friend generally are not trying to insult you. Occasionally, to teach you some lesson, someone will insult you for whatever reason. At the end of the day, most of the insults or the offenses that we take, they are purely in our mind. We then walk around not forgiving someone for something that they don't even know that they did. Of course, when we get insulted, we don't like it one little bit. Now if you find yourself getting insulted on a regular basis or having to deal with offenses on a consistent basis, there might be something that you're thinking that's making that happen.
There are 2 ways to approach this dilemma and the first way is that someone really is insulting you. Someone really is offending you, and they're offending you for any number of reasons. You have to ask yourself, what is it that you're thinking that's attracting this sort of behavior to you? What is it that you're thinking that's causing you to feel that way because typically, our subconscious minds will find a way to have us feel whatever way that we think we ought to feel. In no small way, the life that we live is of our own doings, and the thoughts that we have are of our own thinking. Only when something resonates with what we already think do we even have a reaction at all. I recently was in a discussion with a very good friend who told me that she was offended by the word "girl." The word girl conjured up images none too flattering in her mind. Now the word girl by itself is pretty antiseptic and non-toxic and why someone would think that the word girl was something awful, it would have more to do with what the someone is thinking than what the person is saying.
As she was sharing her heart with me and telling me about someone who called her a "girl" and how she had to correct him and have him stop, I innocently asked a question, "Does he like you?" All I meant was, is this person a friend or is this person a foe? I even quoted the Bible where it said, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend," and that kisses of an enemy is deceitful, which basically means that someone's actions is going to line up with who they are. If their actions do not line up with who they are, there's a very good reason, and there's a likely explanation. When someone does something that offends you, either that person is trying to offend you, or you are trying to be offended. In either case, you can change it. Back to my friend. I asked her if this person liked her. She thought, what difference does it make whether he likes me or not, which is a reasonable question. Of course, she got very emotional, and I wasn't able to really share much after that because all she did was started reliving the offense of someone calling her girl.
I have often said that what you think something is, is what that something is. What you decide things are going to be is what they are going to be. The point that I was trying to make to her was totally missed as she shared with me the idiocy of caring how a man felt about her when he treated her badly. The point that I was making to my friend, my dear friend, was that she may have been mistaking what he was saying. If it turns out that the word "girl" has images of her that's non-flattering, it would be ludicrous of her to try to get everybody in the world to quit referring to her as a "girl" because some people just do. If she wanted to set people straight each time they used the word "girl," then she was going to have a long list. I see nothing wrong with the term "girl," and the images that she conjured up when someone called her "girl," I see something wrong with that.
What I'm telling you in this blog as an extraordinary coach, be present to the fact that the reactions of your clients may not be legitimate. There is this ego defense mechanism called defensiveness and lots of people have it. This defensiveness lives purely on words called grabbers. Those are words that when people use them, they immediately cause a reaction in you. If you do not want to be at the mercy of the people outside of your brain, if you do not want to be tossed to and fro by people who do not pay your bills, then you have got to get a hold of yourself and eliminate these grabbers. Eliminating these grabbers may be a difficult thing to do but if you would go through the painstaking process of eliminating these grabbers, you will find yourself getting more healthy. Certainly it is not healthy to endure discomfort. It's not healthy to endure offenses. If someone is purposely trying to hurt you, then that's another completely different story.
What I'm suggesting is that you not allow yourself to be thrown off your game because someone used a word innocently that you perceived as something horrible. The point of this blog is that every time you think you're being offended, you're not being offended. You may just have some subconscious work to do. Those of us that are trying to get better, we probably know this. Just in case, you are an extraordinary coach, and you haven't gotten to this point yet, be on the lookout because these grabbers will sneak up on you and grab you by the throat. If you know anyone that this blog can help, I encourage you to have them read this blog. If on the other hand this blog has helped you, then go ahead and pass it on. I end this blog like I end all my blogs. I would like for you to do me a favor and have a good time until the next time.
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