Like all other human beings, coaches tend to believe what they have always believed. I have heard a quote that states, "To them that believe, proof is unnecessary and to them that do not believe, proof is impossible." The statement is irrefutable in that you can find instances of this being true quite easily and when you find instances of it not being true, you prove the statement. This statement goes a long way towards eliminating arguments and disagreements among people and is a cornerstone of creating change in clients. You see, the reason the statement is true is due to our tendency to believe our likely story. Our likely story is a set of beliefs and excuses we use to explain away failures and allows us to continue believing what we want whether it serves us or not. Good coaches help us get to a place where we can trade our likely story for better results. But it does not stop there because it is very easy to forget the hard work we do with our clients when the emotional part of the story rears its ugly head.
How many times have you been talking with someone and confront them with facts that you find so telling, you are willing to label the person seeing them as just plain stupid for not agreeing with you? I shudder to use the word stupid but I wish to make a point here. The truth is that you are just the same and have been confronted with facts that make the person showing them to you think that you are stupid. My bestie often reminds me of my tendency to this when he says to me, "Don't confuse me with the facts." I am always brought back to reality when he says that. I often speak of the right-wrong, good-bad paradigm in this blog and for good reason. To effect lasting change, your clients cannot be helped by telling them they are either right or wrong about their story. the more appropriate question is to find out, What's working? What's not working? What's missing? What's next? These are non-toxic questions and more helpful than telling them who is right or wrong. The coach who does not do this run the risk of creating temporary change and gets in the way of their becoming an extraordinary coach. You may find yourself at odds with your clients from time to time but that is not necessarily something that does not work. Clients who are truly seeking improvement understand the necessity for the occasional breakdown before a significant breakthrough. Keeping in mind that the client is of prime concern and that means this line of improvement can sometimes be thought of as medicine. As a child, I was given the most vile of preparations called 666 tonic that was the nastiest substance I have ever put in my mouth. That is probably where the idea that those numbers belonged to the devil came from. As horrible as it was, it got me back to 100% lightning fast. That was a good lesson from my parents.
This blog concept was brought to me today as I viewed a video extolling the virtues of complying with the requests of the police. This blog is not political but it does seek to equip coaches to better assist their clients. Perhaps there is a coach this will speak to and create a breakthrough regarding their own likely story. This video lasted more than 6 minutes and I watched the whole thing. It went on about the necessity to act sensibly when faced with a person who has a gun whether he is a policeman or not. The speaker made a case for eliminating the need for the officer to help you with your self-esteem. He believes that racism is not responsible and actually proved it by showing a clip of violence in a subway station when one black person was stabbing another black person to death and the person taking the video and all the other people in the station stood around watching and did nothing. The speaker validated my own assertion that it is not the police who are a danger to black people but black people themselves are more of a danger. Before I continue, I point out that you are hearing my story now. None of it is true but it is a story nonetheless. What could I be without my story? What could the believers of the opposite of my story be if they got rid of their story? A synonymous way to state a story is to call it a "take." And no matter what your take is ask yourself, "What's working, What's not working, What's missing, and what's next?" You will find it easier and easier to eliminate your take in a situation that does not serve you. And as always, consider that your clients are struggling with the same things.
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