Even a person like myself who
coaches can be saddled with the shortfalls associated with buying his own
story. Keep in mind that the story I am
referring to is the “likely story” that we all tell ourselves that explain away
our misgivings, failures and excuses for not
having what we say we want in our lives.
Recently, I was made aware of a story involving Marshawn Lynch, a
professional football player who was reluctant to be interviewed before the
greatest sports event this year, the LXVIV Super Bowl. He took the position of repeating the same
phrase over and over, “I’m just here because I don’t want to get fined…I’m just
here because I don’t want to get fined.”
This translated as something unacceptable to me and because of my
predisposition, I was very quick to criticize him. There was no consideration of the motivation
that made him do it and there was no sympathy.
My story had guided me and took me to a place that did not serve me at
all. It turns out that there was a good reason for his actions and mostly it was his own story.
What about the reporters who
consistently asked him questions after it was clear he was not going to answer
them? What about his skill as a public
speaker being in question? There is a
number of things that could have been responsible for his behavior and only one
thing responsible for my criticism and that was my story. Have you considered that your story may be
impacting how you see things? While you
are looking at others and passing judgement, have you even thought that you are
the one passing judgment? As a coach it
is critical to remember that it is your job to bring an outside objective
opinion to your clients’ situation and that means you must always give everyone
the benefit of the doubt. When you cease
giving the benefit of the doubt, you set up a chance for your client’s
expectation to deteriorate. A determinant
of one’s result that is often ignored is their expectation. In an odd sort of a way, falling prey to
judging based on your own story hurts your client way more than it even helps
you. Certainly you can be more
considerate when you learn more about any situation, I generally prefer to
habitually give the benefit of the doubt primarily because it helps me elevate
my expectations. To make it a little
clear, consider the following story.
As Jane sat on the train, she
noticed this man seemingly sitting catatonic while three or four children ran
around the train car seeming as though they were on a playground. The man just sat there and did nothing! Jane had taken all she could and had begun
justifying her indignation in her own mind.
She remembers how strict her parents were and she was thinking that
there is no way she and her siblings would get away with such behavior. She clearly knew that these children had no
home training. When she could take it no
more, she blurted out to the man, “Sir, why don’t you teach your kids more
manners. Don’t you know there are people
on this train they are bothering?” The
man apologetically stated that he was sorry.
They had just left the hospital where their mother just died and, “I was
in deep thought planning the funeral and I guess the children are dealing with
it the best they can,” he said. At that
point Jane felt so bad, she got off the train at that very stop even though it
was not her stop.
Everyone has a story and in that
story, they are usually fighting a battle of some kind. Make your story one of helping others and
your being sufficient for all your own needs.
Make your story the one where you show up wherever you are in love and
eliminate the judgment. You will be a
much more effective coach as a result and that leads to a better business for
you and moves you further along your journey to being an extraordinary coach.
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