Whatever kind of coach you are, business is an important
part of it, especially if you are a business coach. Anything having to do with business is of
concern to you and this blog might be a bit of a surprise. I recently read a blog by a friend, Professor Rosalind Henderson on forgiveness. She extolled
the virtue of forgiveness in one’s business life and I got the gist of it very
quickly because I am a forgiveness expert.
I have forgiven some of the cruelest things and not because I am all
that but because I aspire to be all that.
It is absolutely impossible to achieve greatness without deciding to
forgive all. And if you have not been
hurt, count yourself very fortunate. I responded
to her post and made sure she knew that I stood right beside her in endorsing
forgiveness as a lifestyle. Lest you
think that the person you are forgiving is getting away with something, perish the thought because you
are only hurting yourself when you choose not to forgive.
In his book, ONE WAY LOVE, Tullian Tchividjian tells an
interesting story involving Robert Downey, Jr. and Mel Gibson. It seems that Mr. Downey was given some sort
of award in the movie industry after he spent years hurting a lot of people and
avoiding the downward spiral that was his life.
He did drugs, failed miserably as an actor and was a general ne’er do
well. By many accounts, his career was
over. Even when actors or actresses
wanted to work with him and when directors and producers did not, insurance
companies would not insure any movie that he was in. As a condition of accepting this award, it
was his privilege to choose the person who would present the award to him and
he chose Mel Gibson. This occurred after
Downey had finally hit it big in the blockbuster movie know as IronMan. If you
remember during that time, Mel Gibson had had a series of mess-ups all his
own. He had a messy divorce, drunken episodes
while driving and even had a tirade of racial epithets insulting Jews and
Blacks. In short, Robert Downey, Jr. had
come out of his misery and Mel was just starting his plummet into oblivion for
actors. Many wondered what had got into
Downey by having this bum give him the award.
Here is what they didn’t and couldn’t know as Downey gave his acceptance
speech for the award after it was presented by Mel Gibson:
Actually, I asked Mel to present this award
to me for a reason, because when I couldn’t get sober, he told me not to give
up hope, and he urged me to find my faith—didn’t have to be his or anyone else’s
as long as it was rooted in forgiveness.
And I couldn’t get hired, so he cast me in the lead of a movie that was
actually developed for him. And he kept
a roof over my head, and he kept food on the table. And most importantly, he said that if I accepted
responsibility for my wrongdoings, and if I embraced that part of my soul that
was ugly—“hugging the cactus” long enough, I’d become a man of some humility
and that my life would take on new meaning.
And I did and it worked. All he
asked in return was that someday I help the next guy in some small way. It’s reasonable to assume that at the time he
didn’t imagine the next guy would be him.
Or that someday was tonight.
So anyway, on this special occasion…I
humbly ask that you join me—unless you are completely without sin (in which
case you picked the wrong…industry)—in forgiving my friend his trespasses,
offering him the same clean slate you have me, and allowing him to continue his
great and ongoing contribution to our collective art without shame. He’s hugged the cactus long enough. At that point, the two men hug.
Our clients may not be movie stars but their troubles are
just as real. When we don’t forgive in
our own lives, it is that much easier to add to the list of people we don’t
forgive. We can sometimes have a client
that reminds us of someone we have not forgiven and become ineffective as far
as that client is concerned. After reading
this blog, it should ring in your mind that the saying, “What goes around,
comes around” is more than adequate to describe what happened to Mel and
Robert. But even moreso I want you to
embrace the fact that you might not always be as well put together as you are
now so do me a favor, show a little love…er forgiveness.
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