Coaches Corner~Blindspot

I have recently completed reading The Power of Story by Jim Loetz.  In his book, he opines that we all are telling stories to ourselves as well as others that allow us to continue living and believing as we do.  For instance, I tell myself that I am ambitious and that I am an extraordinary coach and my clients love me.  I tell myself that I help the world become a better place by sharing what I have learned about people to cause more of us to walk in love and find ways of connecting with others.  I tell myself that the reason we are here is to connect and the reason I am here is to facilitate that.  While everyone does not believe my story, those that do find themselves more empowered and connected with others.  Many of us say we don’t like to argue, fuss or fight and since I believe this, I do what I can to eliminate these instances.  You see, walking in love has many perks and choosing to love is something we all can do.  Before I go on, I remind you that it, too, is a story.

My friend Bill has gotten caught up in his story and it is causing a disconnectedness between him and myself.  The basis of our story-telling lie in our use of our mind.  Our minds determine how we feel about things and it will force our emotions out and justify everything we feel.  If we are not present to our story, we can confuse others and miss the chance to help our clients.  When our stories are not congruent, there can be a breakdown but fear not, nearly all breakthroughs begin as a breakdown.  Bill agrees with me in a recent news item when a neighbor went on to a man’s property and removed a flag that contained swastikas because he found them offensive.  The neighbor’s first amendment rights were violated because he has the freedom to fly his flag if he wants.  Many neighbors cheered this man on even though the principle of private property was broken.  Had he been shot, the perpetrator would have been exonerated.  If he is forced to pay a fine, he would deserved the punishment.  Bill and myself both agreed that you cannot stop a person from doing something just because it offends you.  Our story was indeed intact and on the same page.  Bill and myself, we are like that.  We both vote republican and believe in law and order.  Many of your clients feel the same way and if you are not present to that, you could be telling yourself a dis-empowering story.  If you do not vote republican, you might even think pulling down that awful swastika was a great idea.

Another news item got our attention.  47 republican senators published an open letter to Iran that undermined the president’s negotiations.  Our constitution gives a lot of leeway to the president in matters of international issues but limited in domestic issues so when it comes to foreign countries, the president can do what he wants.  Had this been a republican president, I am sure Bill would back him because he is more politically savvy than I am.  But without the political implications, hands down, he would support the leader.  He was adamant that the republicans should have done what they did even though nothing like that has been done ever.  Bill tells himself that he is smart and that he knows history better than average folks.  He has completely thrown caution to the wind in this case and has taken quite an illogical approach to this matter.  This is clearly a case “My country, right or wrong” as my mother used to say.  The same principle is at work in both of these cases and reasonable people would fall on the same side of both of them but the stories we tell ourselves are obscured by that little thing called a mind.  Two people look at the same thing and come up with different interpretations and end up arguing for days because neither is present to the fact that it is their story that is in operation.  Getting caught up in your own story most of the time does not empower us and ought to be stopped.  Be mindful of your client’s likely story and be ready to go through the breakdown onward to the breakthrough if you have to.  Your client does not know what he doesn’t know and has a blind spot that only you can see.  If Bill could see his blind spot, he would know he is being quite ridiculous in his assessment of the letter to Iran.  While there have been some famous mutinies, law-abiding citizens have no place for them.  Always keep in mind that your client needs you to have him or her do something they don’t want to do so they can be who they say they want to be.  And sometime that thing they are doing is facing the fallacy of their own story.