In my world, it is undeniable that you do in fact get what you think about. I'm going to share two incidents occurring in my life recently where people get outcomes that they did not want because they were indeed thinking about it and yet they felt victimized by it.
The first outcome is a serious issue. I'm working with a young man who's using a camera doing some work for me. Unfortunately, his camera sustained some damage. I, too, have cameras so I know how nerve-racking it can be when your camera sustains damage. There's two ways to react to that. You can react in the sky is falling mentality. You can react in the "something just happened" and "I need to take care of it" frame of mind. Or you can simply file an insurance claim which is the best case scenario. But the absolute worst case scenario is to get an attitude about it or to be angry about it. We all know that you don't want that to happen, you don't want to have equipment breaking, but sometimes it happens.
Now once your equipment is broken you already have suffered an insult. It is absolutely ill-advised to then be angry about it. In that case you are adding insult to injury. Believe it or not you expected that to happen to you. Your temperament is that bad things happen to you. You tend to feel victimized when things happen to you. If you didn't then you wouldn't be angry, because in my world anger is the most basic form of over controlling tendencies. You use your anger to cause other people to do what you want. What you don't realize when you're getting angry is that no one feels the anger but you, so all the destructive nature of anger is experienced by you. I'm not suggesting that everyone deals with calamity the way that I do, but certainly it makes sense not to get angry when you’ve suffered an insult, particularly an insult that you didn't make happen yourself. That's the first instance.
In another instance I was on the phone, making telephone calls, making telephone calls based on information that is available publicly. I was offering a young lady my services, services that she obviously need, based on where I found her personal information. Unfortunately she did not want any service. She angrily told me that she will never use my company and that she's on a do not call list and I should not bother her and “Good bye,” was her response.
Clearly she was angry about what happened. Can you imagine you're in the world and you get angry when people call you? People are going to be calling you for the rest of your life. People are going to be talking to you for the rest of your life. The people that call you do not necessarily consult the do not call registry. I understand the existence of the do not call registry, and some people actually consult a do not call registry before they make phone calls. I'm not one of them. I'm not aware of any requirement for me to check the do not call registry before I make telephone calls.
Solicitation is how business is done in this world. If you are going to get angry when people call you on your telephone, then you are really victimizing yourself. The way that we think of things is divided into two categories. One, we think of them as a victor, or two, we think of them as a victim. When we have outcomes that we want we're excited about it. When we have outcomes that we don't want we can feel victimized or we can take control of it.
I once read a book called "The 10X Rule," where the author says that we ought to take control of everything in our lives. Of course we can’t take control of everything in our life, but we can certainly think about everything in our life that happens as though we were in control. He said that even if we got hit from behind in another car, that we should take control over that too, and if there's any blame to be meted then we should take the blame because after all we should be good enough business people that we shouldn't have to leave our house anyway. Customers should be coming to us.
As you go through your job, as you become an extraordinary coach, notice the clients that you are helping. Some of the clients that you are helping see themselves as victors and some of them see themselves as victims. You want to develop victors. When you have a client that sees themselves as a victim, you have to negotiate a narrow ridge at that time because people who are victims don't want to be victims. They are more than likely trying to connect with another human being by being a victim. Since they don't want to be a victim and their behavior is as though they are victims, what can you actually do to help them? The most that you can do is you could listen to them. The best that you can do is to not respond to them.
People who are controlling, people who behave aggressively, those people are over controlling people. They use their anger to try to control others. Do not let them control you. Do not respond to their anger. As they go through the motions indicating that they are angry, you simply remain nonplussed as I say. You just look them in the face and listen to their concern. Be sensitive but don't respond to their anger, because if you do you keep them in bondage much longer than they need to be in bondage. Nobody wants to do that.
If this has helped you in any way, shape, form, or fashion I urge you to pass this onto someone that you know, and be sensible as you do so, because most of the people that are really controlling and aggressive, they have a good reason to be that way in their own mind. Use wisdom as you share. But I end this blog as I end all the rest of them, have yourself a good time until the next time.
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