Coaches Corner~Politics

There is a lot of talk of mindset and this is never more crucial than in the coaching arena.  As a coach, much of what you do impacts your client’s mindset and in fact it has to.  If you cannot sign off on this simple concept and you do not have a coach, this is a clear indication that you need a coach.  And if you are a coach, your client can benefit from the introduction to the importance of their mindset.  Developing your methodology for coaching, understanding the need for coaching and setting the goals in your business are all influenced by the mindset.  With so much riding on the mindset, you would think there was a step by step process that one could adopt so that the “mindset” problem could be taken care of.  You have all heard a list of the top sales objections and how to eliminate them, haven’t you?  Well such a thing is not possible for the mindset as it is much more individualized and situational.

I find that I have a tendency to feel accused whenever someone does something other than put on the uniform, adorn the pom-poms and scream, “Go, Victor, Go…..Yeah!!!  Victor!”  And while the cheerleaders show up less frequently than I would like, I have conditioned my mind to turn the slightest compliment to make me feel like they did show up.  Quite often, though, the opposite happens.  I enjoy spirited conversation and I was having one with my friend, Carl, just the other day.  He was once again telling me about an experience he had and how he handled it.  It was not that big a deal but he was saying that he would not just “Roll over and wet himself” but instead take charge of the situation.  Since he handled it differently than I would, I did not pass GO, did not get two hundred dollars and went straight to the part where he was calling me a sissy or something less than a man.  Here is my friend for nearly twenty years and really has showed me in more ways than one that he cares for me but I felt victimized because of something that he said.  Chances are he was expressing himself and was not attacking me at all but because of my mindset, I took it personally.  Have you had a similar experience?

During this upcoming political season, many friendships will be lost and there will be lots of fights.  The reason for this is unclear except to say that we all want to be right.  Assessment of our current president range from him doing a fantastic job to him being the worst president ever.  How can that be so when all persons sharing an opinion have lived in this country the whole time?  The reason is also simple.  Two people can examine the same data and come up with two completely different ideas of what went on.  Have you witnessed an accident along with another person and then disagreed with what happened?  Of course you have as have I.  Our minds play weird tricks on us in that whatever thought we are or were having tends to find comfort in the very next thought.  And the more thoughts we have had of a certain ilk, the more we will have.  Our minds, that is, our subconscious minds work 100% of the time to validate what we think about a particular thing.  What we think of is our own doing at first, then it happens automatically.  Quantum physics tells us that when we look at something, what we look at changes and that is why we see things so differently. 

I have had talks with folks who say they are being objective and that is not even possible.  Being objective is a card we play when we are masking our own feelings about a particular thing.  But until we can take ourselves completely out of a situation, we can never be objective.  One of the distinctions of business coaching is that of our likely story.  We all have one and it is used to explain away all the disappointments and shortcomings in our lives.  It is often subconscious and we are not present to it.  As you coach your clients, keep in mind their story about coaches and the person you are in general is impacting the effect your coaching has on them.  Make no mistake about it, you are helping them because what you do, they can never do.  The first thing you are doing for them is providing a different view than their own, you are holding them accountable and you are creating a result they could never have without you.  The point of today’s blog is to realize in your practice that everyone wants the best even when it does not look like it.  Your clients may have some resistance to your helping them and you are able to manage that.  Your mindset will determine how you manage to separate you from your own mindset.  If you cannot do that, you will not be as effective a coach as you can be.  That is reason number 1 for having your own coach.  Like your client, you can’t know what you don’t know until you find out.

If this has helped you, please forward to someone you care about and I end this blog as I end all my blogs, have a good time until next time.

Coaches Corner~Quitting

Much of what we do comes from forces of which we have no control but that does not mean we cannot use sheer will to overcome some of those obstacles.  If your parents were alcoholics, then decide that alcohol is something you can live without.  Its benefits, if there are any, are not worth the chance.  You do not have to work in computers because your ancestors did and certain patterns of thoughts do not have to take you over just because it runs in your bloodline.  In fact, knowing what your family’s tendencies are gives you job 1 in many cases.  I happen to know that my family had not the sort of chutzpah that led us to make sales when funds were needed.  We tended to borrow and get deeper in debt rather than embrace the idea of giving more.  That history has helped shape the man that I am today.

All of my influences have not been as obvious and neither have yours as today’s story demonstrates.  Being a coach means getting in touch with all of you and sharing that in your marketing so that you can easily resonate with your target market.  Remember that the coaches’ creed is, “There is not good or bad, right or wrong, there is only, ‘What’s working?’ ‘What’s not working?’ and other more important paradigms to consider.  I recently sent some money to my sister via paypal and she was not able to get the money.  After some 4 weeks, she had done all she knew how to do so she called me.  I am not sure what the problem was but she did all that she was asked to do and was not able to get the money.  So today she called at her wit’s end with a request for me to simply get the money back from paypal and send it a different way.  I suggested she call paypal and speak to a supervisor and plead her case.

While she was doing that, I was at my computer some 3,000 miles away transferring a musical file which I had done numerous times in the past.  I had given it more than 5 tries and was content to say, “Forget it!”  Right about that time, I received a text from my sister saying she was “Done” with paypal after waiting on hold for more than one hour and I should get my money back.  For some reason, at that moment, I realized that she had quit and was mentally challenging her about being so quick to give up.  I admit I was not present to how much she had actually tried but it still landed for me as quitting.  Seconds after that I thought about my dilemma with the file and thought, “I cannot quit!”  “That is what my family is known for, we just quit when it becomes difficult.”  I resolved to get it done and in no time at all, I had accomplished the task.  My coach friend, Jim Padilla of Gain the Edge, and I were walking and discussing this and he introduced me to a coaches’ tool.  He rather helped me remember something and put a beneficial take on that whole experience which I am prone to do anyway.

If you are a coach listening to this story or unearthing it in a session, how can you best help your client?  You ask the question, “What else in your life are you missing because of your tendency to quit?”  And then wait for the answer.  Most likely you will hear a couple of excuses why this particular incident is different from parts of their life where they do excel and do not quit.  Do not fall for this ruse because if they quit in this part of their life, they quit in every part when the going gets tough.  I am sure Jim was not the first to say it but, “The way you do anything is the way you do everything.”  Once you get them present to that truth, the excuses stop.  You can then get them about the business of finding out “What’s missing?” and “What’s next?” in their business.  Always be on the lookout for teaching moments and remember that you are not immune to generational behaviors or ways of thinking and when you detect them, use them for your growth and your coaching skill. 

Your clients do not have your experience and using your experience to assist your clients is a major distinction of being an extraordinary business coach.  All experiences have value especially the ones we are left to only manage rather than eliminate completely.

If this has helped you , please pass it on to someone else and be sure an leave me a comment or two. I end this blog like I enjoy ending all my blogs and invite you to have a good time until next time.

Coaches Corner~Meditation

Some say that meditation is all hocus-pocus. Some say that meditation is New Age, and yet others say that meditation has made the difference between the life of an average person and an extraordinary life. What do you say about meditation?

Put it this way. Meditation requires focus. Meditation requires effort. In actuality, meditation requires more energy than bench-pressing 350 pounds. In order to bench-press 350 pounds, you have to first decide to do so. You have to then keep your mind focused on the activity of bench-pressing 350 pounds.

This morning, I found myself getting mentally lazy. I was about to get on my exercise machine, and my wife came in and told me breakfast was ready. I typically don't have breakfast until after my exercise machine but this morning was a bit different. I was all excited about my exercise machine because, you see, I exercise to music and "Dirty Diana" by Michael Jackson was about to come on and I like Dirty Diana.

However, I love my wife too, so I decided it was time to eat breakfast. Later, as I was having a seat, it occurred to me maybe I don't need to exercise this morning because I had broken my routine and perhaps God was telling me that this morning is not the morning to exercise. That was nothing more than an excuse.

It was then I realized that I should do a blog on this very, very topic. Extraordinary coaches all the time think about what their clients want. They spend time meditating on their clients' needs. In fact, the truly extraordinary coach has time set aside each day for each specific client before they speak with the client. I know some days they don't feel like doing it. Some days I don't feel like doing it but that's where the idea of consistency comes in.

You must defeat the lazy demon. You must defeat your tendency to keep doing the same thing, to do the easy thing. The easy thing is to not meditate. The easy thing is to distract yourself with some physical activity or distract yourself with something on television or watch a movie or video. Meditation, while demonized by some, really is significant in that it stops us from being mentally lazy. Do you meditate? I meditate sometime. If you do not meditate, let me encourage you to adopt the habit of meditation because to not do so is simply to be mentally lazy. Mental laziness is responsible for all the physical laziness.

I was recently taught a technique while I look up and to the right and think about something wonderful, and I think that is a component of NLP, neuro-linguistic programming. While physically undemanding, it requires effort to look up and to the right, and keep your mind focused on one particular thing. Your mind really is in charge. If you can imagine an earth-mover, a huge machine that can tear things up, there's a man sitting on top of the earth-mover that's in charge of what the earth-mover does, and your mind is likened to that man and your mind is in charge of your life. Your life can do as much damage or as much good as an earth-mover, and it is your mind that is in charge of your life.

As an extraordinary coach, let me encourage you to incorporate meditation into your life if it is not in your life, and if you think of meditation as hocus-pocus or some New Age sort of spirituality, let me encourage you to fight that thought because to not fight that thought is also mentally lazy. I'm going to meditate right after I exercise because the mental energy that it takes for me today to actually accomplish my exercise is gargantuan. While I am exercising, I will implement that new technique that I've learned for NLP. I will look up and to the right, and meditate on what I truly want out of that exercise.

As an extraordinary coach, one extraordinary coach to another, let me ask you to pass this blog on to someone you care about if it has helped you. If it impacts you to the degree that you decide to meditate, that you decide to stop being mentally lazy, then I especially want you to comment below. I end this blog just like I end all of my blogs. Have a good time until the next time.

Coaches Corner~Coaching

With the exception of the sports industry, coaching is a fairly new industry. As such, there are benefits as well as pitfalls associated with the notion of hiring a coach. You might not even know that you need a coach even after you have tried all you know. With the greatest intentions and all the resources you believe you need, it is still possible to fail in business. You can get some insight by speaking with other successful people and that can be questionable unless they have a vested interest to see you succeed. With one’s success comes the desire to share as a natural occurrence and that may be a reason that a successful person may give you feedback that will assist you. That, my friend, is only the beginning because I learned that even in networking marketing the quintessential “help me help you” industry, you can only rely on help to a point.

I have recently hired my first coach for business and it has opened my eyes. Usually when I am talking with a person who identifies themselves as a coach, all my walls go up as I would never in my wildest dreams even consider pay someone to tell me what I am doing wrong. That is how I saw coaching. In business, a person’s “elevator pitch” identifies them as a coach so the conversation is over pretty quickly. I was recently afforded the chance to hear a coach speak uninterrupted for 30 minutes and after a few minutes, I was wondering how was I going to afford him because he was making so much sense. Since I was now open to the conversation, other coaches were attracted to my space and I learned other things.

While these men were coaches, I realized that the points made were so specific that one did not even need to be successful in business to be a coach. After all, the discussion was that if an incredible athlete like Michael Jordan had a coach, in fact, more than one, of course you or I also would need one. None of his coaches achieved the level of excellence as a player that he did and they coached him nonetheless. When you get your coach, as you undoubtedly will if you plan to be successful, choose wisely but do not make it a requirement that he must have done what you want to do in order to coach you to do it.

If this has helped you I would love feedback on how it has.  Until then do me a favor and have a good time until next time.

Coaches Corner~Happenings

While optimism has its perks, we do not always get the result we want.  Not getting what we want is daunting and requires us to find a way to keep living until it surfaces.  My pastor once wrote a book entitled, “What To Do Between ‘I Believe and I receive’ and its content ought to be noted.  We are able to withstand nearly anything for one second, right, so we need only approach misery or disappointment one second at a time.  After one gets a certain age, it is clear that all things work out in some way and even if it doesn’t, we all die sooner or later.  That may seem morbid but it really is good news.  When you consider all the pain agonizing and suffering we do needlessly, knowing it all eventually ends no matter what we do is comforting.  As a boy when I was punished by getting a ‘beatin’ it seemed the pain would never go away but it did go away eventually.  Dealing with panic attacks for more than 8 years and now living without them convinces me that all things end in time and makes it very clear that the time spent agonizing is only useful because it got me from there to here.  And being here is a lot of fun.

Enjoying the journey is more than just a cute saying.  And as an extraordinary coach, you had better enjoy the journey so that you client will enjoy it too.  If all things work together for good, then we must get very good at re-framing everything.  In coaching the operative question is always, “What’s next?” And it can work in all areas of life.  I spend some time in social media and have developed some relationships with people that do not always think the way I do.  I have developed my thinking over the years and understand this process and have a much better handle on life than I used to.  I see comments from people I admire and wonder what they could be thinking.  I even have the nerve to become annoyed at times and wish they would be more like me.  The journey they are presently on looks a lot like my own journey did some years ago and it is almost predictable that they will come around.  By come around, I mean they will come to the same conclusion I did.  That conclusion borders on the fact that we can think about whatever we want to think about and we alone bear that responsibility.  Just because I am there does not mean others do not have the right to make their own journey.  I am getting much better at the old adage, “Live and let live.”  All I really must do is to wait and greet them with gladness when they finally get there.

I suppose there is a certain amount of arrogance associated with such an attitude.  When I consider that the person who is offended is the one responsible for the assessment of arrogance, I feel much better about things.  So what if I am perceived as arrogant?  It is a very valuable asset in this case for it saves a lot of heartbreak anxiety about what is going to happen.  Once you realize that all you feel results from what you think, you choose to think different thoughts.  The sky is not falling….it is not going to be horrible…..and you will find another job and a sweetheart nicer than the one you just lost.  More than anything the idea of prayer makes us okay with whatever we are dealt.  Even in the case of our children, we must be willing to weather the storm until they get to the other side.  Berating, and chastising and brow-beating might make you feel like you are doing something but there is more than talk to the saying “Love covers a multitude of sins.”  When the offense comes we must be ready.  When we are called to watch someone get bruised, we must we willing to watch them heal.  It is this mindset that is most helpful to the coach who is not getting the results she or he wants right now.  Get in the habit of staying until the end of the game because you never know what story to tell if you were not there for the win.

If you have learned anything here or had a new thought, I would appreciate your sharing this blog. And always, I end the way I always end.  Until the next time, have yourself a good time.

Coaches Corner~Business

This blog was first published in January 2015.  I hope you like it the second time around.
Coaches are often called to dispel notions that have persisted over many years in the hopes of improving the lives of their clients.  You may have had the opportunities to dispel some of those ideas yourself.  Network marketing is one area where myths abound and well-meaning consultants promote futile activity to unsuspecting prospects.  The old way of doing things have simply changed and in order to be successful, business people have to keep pace.  One such activity is making sales calls because many of those you are calling are themselves making sales calls and do not welcome yours or even answer their phones unless the recognize the number.  People often give you their phone numbers and simply do not answer their phones when you call.  You get discouraged after making so many calls and often give up.  Believe it or not, your clients are doing this every day and they need the guidance of an extraordinary coach to combat this phenomenon.  By the time a prospect gets to this point, they have actually connected with at least one valuable person that can bring several dollars to the company.  The person who introduced them to the company has long-since quit and reaps no benefit from introducing this true winner to the company.  You may get several clients just like this and similar to them, you must continue to get clients, keeping some, and losing others until you hit your stride and begin attracting the clients that will stay with you for a very long time.

You may have heard advice that include working backwards from the goal you have set.  For instance if you want to make 20 sales per month, ask yourself how many people do you need to talk to in order to get 20 sales?  How many people do you need to call to talk to the amount you need to end up with 20 sales?  If 20 sales per day is your goal, that is 5 per week, right?  And 5 per week is 1 per day, right?  You are familiar with these types of questions.  The fallacy is that your success is not linear.  You might be further told that you must make at least 100 phone calls and evaluate your percentages based on that.  Even though 100 is a good number,that is not an accurate predictor of your success.  As you evaluate your progress, it is very easy to get discouraged and stop trying altogether.  You do not have to be a weak-kneed, pamzy whamsy, milquetoast kind of individual to fall prey to this kind of effect, you simply can be an average person.  And neither do you have to be thick-skinned and superman-like to overcome this tendency either.  You need only be made aware of the existence of the fallacy.  When you examine the record, you will find that days before hitting it big, some persons had a “negative nothing” in their bank balance.  And as they grew their business, they did not earn $2,000 per month even though they finished the year at $24,000, which was their goal.

I am sure you know that Colonel Sanders died a multimillionaire even though his fortune begun at age 65.  Grandma Moses only started painting at age 90.  And who knows how much money Bill Gates and Warren Buffet have now or have made this year.  By the advice given to many, a net worth of $10,000,000 for the past ten years might mean they earned $1,000,000 per year for ten years.  The trouble is that the universe or God is not privy to your timetable and you will never get there if you quit.  Of all the processes that you know of, you can never say that the growth occurs on a linear timetable.  In fact, they most likely made nothing for the first 11 months and made $10,000,000 the last month.  Retailers say that December is their best month after working hard all year and that last month makes their.  Even a human being grows more during the first eighteen years of life than they do after that.  Forget the idea of evaluating your success in a linear way because you will surely quit before your time.

Stake out your goal and make sure it is big enough.  Make an effort to encourage yourself and never give up.  It is your belief in its accomplishment that makes your goal important.  If you have the faith that you can accomplish it, keep on keeping on.  Even though you are ninety percent along your way and only thirty percent toward you goal, keep on striving.  Napoleon Hill said in his book, “Think and Grow Rich,” that when success comes it will come so fast and in such a magnitude that you will wonder where it has been and what took it so long.  Does that sound like equal production month by month?  I don’t think so.  I believe his assessment is true and the key I give to you is to set a goal 10X what you think you want and keep your foot on the gas until the absolute last moment, then enjoy your success.  I encourage you to share the concept with your clients as they will need you more than ever.  When you release them from the bondage of ‘How far along are you in your goal?’ they will truly feel free to fail and to succeed which will help them brand you as an extraordinary coach.

As always, if this blog has helped you or gotten you farther along toward your goal, please share it with others.  I end this blog like all others when I say to you, have a good time until next time.

Coaches Corner~Business Basics

As an extraordinary coach I'm always on the lookout for different things that I can do to help people manage themselves better. You see, I am totally sold on the fact that living life is an inside game, and that being successful in your business is also an inside game. The way that you characterize your own thoughts, which impacts the way that you approach the world, does a lot to impact your business in a big, big way. I get that all of us are afflicted with the looking good, being right, way of living. I'm probably no exception to that rule. Keep in mind that I, too, want to look good and be right. When I come up with these strategies that impact how you look at the world, I certainly do hope that I'm right.

This blog is about offenses. We all understand that offenses exist, and somehow we've gotten to the place where we think that our job is to deal with every offense. The way that we deal with offense is we have the offending person make a change. We have the offending person take back what they said, or wear a different article of clothing, or use a different word. The way that we deal with our offenses is generally to have somebody else do something. If you've been paying attention to my blogs, to my social media presence, you may have noticed that I spend a lot of time talking about forgiveness. The reason I spend a lot of time talking about forgiveness is that I want to offset all of the inordinate amount of time spent on dealing with offenses.

Just like oppression, the grandest weapon that the offender has is the mind of the person who is taking offense. Forgiveness closes the loop. If somebody offends you, you simply forgive them. What is happening is someone offends you, and you want them to do something different, or to take it back. That's never going to happen. The other end of that continuum is that somebody offends you, so you want to offend them to pay them back. Once again, the answer is forgiveness. In my world I can see it no other way, and so as far as being right, I guess I can close that loop right now.

Let's just run out this scenario in real time, and imagine that you have been offended. Let's just say that I have offended you. I wasn't trying to offend you, I was simply being me. By simply being me you have gotten offended? Really, I'm offended that you're offended by me being me. If we get really ridiculous about this concept, let's just go right here and say, "What if I'm offended that you are offended that I'm offended, that you are offended that I'm offended that you are offended that I'm offended that you're offended." How ridiculous is that, and where does it stop, and who is at fault?

As an extraordinary coach I strongly suggest that you empower your clients, that you empower the people you know, in telling them that no one can offend them without their permission, and simply tell them to stop giving permission. What if I'm offended that you're offended? Well, as far as  what I just said a moment ago, how does a person manage that, where does the offenses end? Obviously, the offenses will never end, so you must forgive. You can forgive, or you cannot be offended in the first place. If you are not able to be in that place where you won't get offended in the first place, practice forgiving more. Do more forgiveness, and I believe that you will get to that place, not only where you can forgive easily, but where you won't get offended at all.

I know some of you may think there's some instances that's just rude, there's some thing's that's just impolite. No, there's no such thing. There's only a majority opinion of what's rude, a majority opinion of what's impolite. If you want to be in the majority, then you go right ahead and be in the majority. As for me, I'm not going to be offended, and I'm going to forgive.

If this blog has helped you please pass it on to someone that you know, or someone that you care about. I end this blog like I end most of most of blogs and that is for you to have yourself a good time until the next time.